I will tell you my story, before you start to read my posts here. It would give small insight what this site is going to be about.
When I was little girl, I dreamed what if I had wonderful power to heal every human being and to stop aggression in this world. Increase love. Do miracles. I spent a lot of time with these thoughts as I the most part of my childhood spent with my grandparents in country-side. I had plenty of time.
I was about five or six year old when I first prayed to God. I asked Him to assign me special ability to make miracles, to obtain special powers which could help people stay healthy, happy and nobody would never die. I believed that it is possible with all my heart.
Then I grew up. I still dreamed about special gifts which I could use to make this world better.
In 1998 I first met with the term “depression”. Doctors said my father is struggling from manic depression. His illness lasted for 14 years. In 2010 he died in hospital.
Since 1998 my life changed completely. It was the time I lost my ground under my feet. In this year I first time faced with vegetative dystonia. I had panic attacks, I thought I will die because could not breathe. I had completely all symptoms of dystonia, including strong chest pain and awful fear. I stopped to go outside because of these panic attacks. I was afraid from everything. I could not to control these things which I faced with. I was afraid to lose my common sense. I was afraid of becoming crazy. That was the really hard time in my life. Father’s illness was just a part of my exams.
In 2005 I experienced awful depression by myself. Father was very ill. Nobody could help him. It was hard to accept it. He talked in very different way, told the things nobody could understand. He had strong medications. He was stranger to me.
At that time vegetative dystonia was reached the highest point for me as well. All together (depression plus dystonia) made me to think about suicide. But I had 2 years old son.
I started to use antidepressants and first time turned for help. I went to psychotherapist. Since then started the therapy. I used antidepressants for half a year.
In 2011 almost a year I suffered from strong back pains. I could not walk. Could not sit. I could not even sleep without pain. Medications did not help anymore. In September I had back surgery. I got fired two weeks after surgery. I had 8 years old son at that moment. I was the only person who could take care of him. And stayed with any income. Besides I had huge bank loan as well.
Wonderful people helped us to overcome this difficult period in my life. Thanks to them I had place to live and food to eat. Until I was able to return in normal life again.
My psychotherapy lasted for ten.. years.
I have completely change my inner world. I have changed everything. I have got rid of fear. Symptoms of vegetative dystonia is almost unnoticeable. I have changed my attitude to everything. I particularly choose the words I say for myself and for other people.
I learn to love each human being in this world. Do not jugde. To accept anything what happens in my life. Accept with gratitude and reliance.
AND I have realised that actually there is something I can do to change this world. I can share my experience. My feelings about true values in our lives.
It is so important to live our own lives. Not the ones other expect us to live. It is extremely important to return back to our souls. It can help to avoid from depression. Instead of it to choose the way, by which we can meet ourselves again. It is a key to stay healthy.
And it is very essential to fullfil our DREAMS. Not somewhere and somehow in the future. It can be no TIME later. There is just one time for our dreams: here and now!
Each post of this site will be dedicated to memory of my father. He did not made all of his dreams. Once postponed they could not come true at all. I will do it for both of us. I will find the way how to realise the all of my dreams. Not later. Just now!
Now I am writing the book: “Let your soul speak!” Hope to publish in my own language till this Christmas. Also will be translated in English. I will publish the small paragraphs from it in ‘books’ category in this site time after time here.
Thank you for reading my story. Fullfil your dreams. There is no time later.
Hope you enjoy the posts here.