Tonight I have quite a serious issue to talk about. And the question is – why do we cause pain each to another, why do we hurt the ones we love? Why instead of this – simply to love them, we choose this – to hurt them? Yes, our life, our choices, but nevertheless..
Why is this happening? What is the stumbling block or even several of them not allowing us to stop BEFORE to do the pain .. Why can’t we stop before to hurt each other, our families, causing harm to the most important people for us? Especially for those, who are so close for us.. For those whom we love..
The first that could be responsible for doing pain to other people – it is certainly our Ego. If ego is touched, ego defends. Quite logical. What else could it do? The ego is useful to help us to define our limits as far we allow the other person to go in relationship with us. The ego keeps our borders. That is good. That excludes the opportunity for others to use us for their convenience.
But the bad side of Ego is it’s desire to get stubborn. Our Ego sometimes reacts like 2-year old child in huge toy store. When received refusal or disappointed with something, ‘this child’ will do anything to get the result he expects to get. At any price….. In such moment it is very difficult to STOP. Or to hush.. When our Ego is touched, we say the words that can hurt other people for very long time (sometimes, even lifetime). These words said by Ego and usually in anger can be very painful and can hurt the soul of our loved ones. Hurt very deeply. Words can hurt much more then we realize. And that is one of reason why it is so necessary to think about the words we say each other.. To leave as much as possible less pain after ourselves.. Not to leave pain caused by our words said in influence by our EGO. We can write love words in other people hearts, but not to leave our emotional dirt in the souls of other people.. I believe each of us can do it. At least we should try to communicate in this way. To choose words, expressing love. Do not hurt.
The second reason – why we hurt each other – misunderstandings. Each of us sees and understands the situation in a different way .. Each of us has different experience which creates our attitude and perceptions. Therefore each of us reacts in different way to the same situation. And that is why one sees what he/she sees and hears what he/she hears. Even the other did not mean the words in the way the first is understood.. And so happens misunderstandings.. Accumulated experience tell us how to react, what to say, what to hear etc. And then comes situation which raises some painful associations in us and comes misunderstandings…
There was a time in my life I enjoyed to watch soap operas. I watched and thought – OMG, why he is doing like this – he could simply just call her and to meet her or why she simply do not tell what she feel… Why should they so complicate their lives?
BUT. If we compare these serials to our lives – what do we do by ourselves? Isn’t it so – we create the same misunderstandings. We choose to hear what we want to hear.. And we forgot about this – it is always possible to talk. To ask. Talk to each other to understand what exactly has created misunderstanding and how can we help each other to overcome it and not to repeat it. Not to hurt any more. To avoid from the path leading us more and more in the swamp..
Third .. So, what could be the third reason why we ‘choose’ to hurt the people we love? And do pain instead of love? It has been heard that some people do not know how to love. This affirmation arises dual feeling in me. Perhaps that is so. But I believe each of us can love. And we know what is love. We CAN love. Yes, we ALL are able to love. But each of us has received different love experience in our childhood. I can blunder but I think – sometimes (actually, very often) we do not receive the love we longed to receive in our early childhood. And when growing up we are looking for this love – absolutely unconditional love which can be given by parents.. And we start to look for this love what we had to experience in our childhood. The next step – we make relationships with certain roles. The woman starts to play motherly role of patroness or creates temperamental daughter image in relationship with the men (exactly the same happens to men who quite unconsciously get the role of disobedient son and angered father in relationship with women). If nobody of both can notice it… There is no equivalent relationship, one is superior, the other less .. superior. No love at all… Both are busy by playing roles taken. It is good if both involved in this situation are aware what exactly happens between them. Then it is much easier to stop playing roles. Then it is better chance to hear one another. And understand. But if they do not realize ..? Then the pain can be merged almost in geometric progression .. Love can not be demanded. Either we love, either – do not..
Nevertheless – hearty wish for all of us – let’s raise MORE love not pain for the ones we love. More love in our relationships.. More love for the people we are getting in touch in our daily lives.. It is so important to remember this – any of our choices in the present creates our future! Why should we hurt each other if we can simply love? Why should we let the ego celebrate victory if the “winning taste” will disappear already after the first couple of seconds? And to remember this one as well – any pain, roughness and misunderstanding can be made good. But the first step is necessary. To forgive. To ask forgiveness.
Find the strength in yourself to forgive!
Find the strength in yourself to understand!
Find the strength to choose the words which raise more love! Not pain.. Do not hurt the ones you love. Do not hurt any human being.
Simply LOVE. And increase love in this world.
Wishing You all the best and with LOVE,